Life is Beautiful <3

i love to see the temple

2010-07-17T09:24:00.002-06:00

This summer has been really interesting. I am now done with my first year of college (whoa) i am also done attending the university of montana. On May 14th, i excitedly looked out my 10th floor window to watch a white cadillac escalade pull up. My mom and grandma got out, and of course my first reaction was i want to go home right now! After we got everything all straigtened up and pulled out of the dorm parking lot, i found myself completely turned around just staring at campus. This puzzled me after i had been miserable for a whole semester, and then i had to try super hard to hold back tears. I dont cry, so that was huge for me. As i sat a silent mess in the back seat trying to act tough as usual, thoughts raced through my mind on why i could be feeling the way i was. I realized it: I was leaving an essential stepping stone in my life. I met the best friend ever at school, and had to leave her, i had the freedom to choose without criticism, i lost that, evenmore so i had the power to make the outcome of everyday, i kinda lost that to. With the bad always comes good, and to later find out, i would continue growing and changing long after i saw the last of Grizzly Washington Stadium off to the right side of the highway. Now i am home obviously. I am preparing to go to BYU-Idaho, which i will be paying for by myself since my choice to be mormon is not supported by some. I got to visit rexburg yesterday and i realized that no matter what it took i needed to be there in September. You cannot put a price on happiness. I truely believe that. The first thing i looked for when we got to Rexburg was the temple. The temple is the one thing that can bring me pure happiness and joy to my soul when i see it. I cant even describe the feeling i get when i am even in a 100 foot radius of its beauty. I am so blessed to have a temple a few blocks from my apartment next year! More so i am blessed to have the opportunity to not only grow mentally and physically, but spiritually as well, and that is something i find increasing important in my life today.

Parable of the Princess

2010-04-21T10:34:00.012-06:00

So I realized I always blog about how I am feeling. From now on I am going to change that up. Today I will tell you a story :] (my life plan).

-Once upon a time there was a young woman named Brooke Sue Tabacco.

She was a freshman at the University of Montana, soon to be an awesome sophomore. She was not happy where she was at and she realized her fairy tale wasnt working out quite the way it was supposed to. Brooke wanted to write her own story and make everything happen the way she had always dreamed. The problem was, she hadnt actually thought about how she wanted her fairytale to go. After much thought, she finally was able to solve all of her problems.

- First: She wanted to graduate from Brigham Young Univeristy Idaho with a masters degree in education!!! -Next: She wanted to use that masters degree to get an amazing job teaching special education!!! Next: She realized she had lived in the Western United States for long enough. She wanted to move to the East, and hence she chose the most awesome state ever of Indiana!
Finally: After all of the major personal details were worked out, she realized it couldnt be a fairytale without a super cute husband, and much later to come children! She decided she wanted nothing more than to be married in the Bountiful Temple, when she eventually found the right guy! And in the end, its just a crazy young brunette with a mind full of dreams. Brooke Sue Tabacco will fulfill her life plan. She will be happy, and she will work hard to succeed. She will have a life full of helping those in need, going to TONS of BUTLER basketball games (wohoooo Indiana), and living her fairytale the way she had always wanted to. You might find her life plan humorous and far fetched, but guess who will be laughing when she totally achieves ALL of this and much more :]

THE END!

YSA

2010-04-11T22:24:00.003-06:00

So this weekend in missoula was the YSA conference...or if you dont know the young single adult conference. I was a little skeptical at first about going, but i am SOOOO glad i did! I had a blast, met a lot of new people, played a lot of sports, realized im not THAT bad at dancing, and felt the spirit like never before. It was so amazing to see a group of young adults that were more interested in spending their weekend doing workshops and service projects for the community, than making bad choices. I am so grateful that i have the opportunity to live the life that i do, i am truely blessed in so many ways, and it is good to realize that. Sometimes i waver but without weakness we cannot build strength. Without doubt we cannot gain hope. Despite how people and things change i can always find comfort in the gospel and the savior. This weekend couldnt have been much better...i mean who doesnt love playing volleyball and SOCCER with new people all night! Oh and did i mention i am almost done in Missoula, only a month!!!! I cant wait to go to BYU Idaho. I am so happy right now eventhough a lot of stuff has gone wrong lately. Sooo thats all i've got right now...thanks for reading (if anyone is ha).

What its Like

2010-03-23T00:15:00.006-06:00

So for some reason i have been turning to music for a lot of answers lately...today i was wondering how people who follow the lord and try to be like him only follow some of his traits to bring into their own life. I see a lot of fakeness going on and a lot of judgment as well. These are two really un chirstlike attributes if you ask me. Jesus wasnt fake, so you shouldnt be either. Any way this isnt a rant i wanted to share a song that really touched me tonight, i wont put the lyrics up because of profanity, and some weird lines, but overall the song really gets across what i have been thinking the most about. You never know what it is like to be someone else unless you walk in there shoes, and as the song goes: "I've seen a rich man beg, i've seen a good man sin, i've seen a tough man cry, i've seen a loser win, and a sad man grin, I heard an honest man lie, I've seen the goodside of bad, and the downside of up, and everything between. Everlast couldnt have put it any better. Dont judge, love your enemy, accept those you wouldn't, be compassionate for all, hate none, and then you really might know what its like.
P.S. the song is number 20 on my playlist...yes it does swear im sorry

Its been forever!

2010-03-14T20:43:00.006-06:00

Wow!!!! I just realized that i actually have a blog...i guess i totally forgot about it. Maybe i remembered because i feel like i could write something right now to help me feel better. So its March already, i am almost done at the University of Montana thank goodness! This school year has had ups and downs, i have learned a lot, i have grown as a person, i havent put on the freshman 15 yet i have lost weight wahooo, and i have met people that will change my life. I find myself wondering lately why certain people have come into my life, why they had to leave, or why they are still around. I have met a few people that i will not want to leave come May, and i have honestly met a few people that i cant WAIT to leave. Despite how much some people have impacted me in a bad way down here, they have impacted me is the most important part. I think we learn lessons from people no matter good or bad, and i have learned my fair share of lessons this year. My biggest thing i am doing right now is working on judgement. Who am I to judge another...and who are they to judge me. I think its important that we actually remember that everyone is a person, they have feelings too, and even if they are different, they chose to be that way and that is who they are and you cant change that. I cant even express how grateful for the opportunity i have been given to attend BYU Idaho this fall, it will bless my life so much. I will be able to live in peace without crazy girls running around, i will be able to step into an elevator without the smell of drugs and alcohol, and i will be seen as a daughter of god, not a loser who hates partying. I will get to go to college with my best friend Alex and i am so excited for that! Even though this week has been really hard for me, i realized that i am sooo strong even at my weakest point. I will be able to make it through anything that is thrown at me and that is so comforting. I have been humbled, i have been betrayed, i have been loved, i have been hated, i have been judged, i have been looked up to, i have been an example, i have been strong, i have been weak, i have been changed, i have been burned, i have been complimented, and out of all of the things that i have been, I HAVE BEEN TESTED and that is by far the most important to me. Thank you Missoula, Montana, for forever changing my life and helping me grow as a person.

p.s its march madness people!!! get your game on...GO ZAGS :]

Home sweet Home

2009-09-07T10:32:00.008-06:00

This weekend i was blessed with being able to go home. The first night i got home i was so happy just to see the entering Great Falls sign. Naturally i hate it here, but i guess you dont know what you have until its gone. I got to hang out with my cousin and some good friends, and we played frisbee :] and they got me my sonic so that was simply amazing! The second day i got a new haircut. I finally got to add some natural looking highlights to my virgin hair...and i finally got an A-line bob...no more ponytails and being lazy :[. We then went to Halloween 2 which of course was not scary but had a fair share of blood and guts everywhere. We had a fire pit, and Hunter and Stephanie roasted my pizza rolls and brownie bites (how did that work guys?). My last day we just hung out and ate pizza, and for bragging rights or maybe embarrassment actually, i ate a whole pizza by myself...ahhh well the boys had a few pieces. We went and got some ice cream, and got to relive the only movie that scares me: Dead Silence, and come to find out, i laughed through it! Even though this sounds like i had a lot of fun, which dont get me wrong i did, but i also had my share of hard times. I finally said how i felt for the first time in a long time, and come to find out people are not happy when you actually confront them...who knew?! I laughed a lot, learned an abundance, cried a little, and ate lots of yummy food :] It was so nice to be home with people who truely care about me, and will always be there for me...families are forever...and that to me is the greatest blessing ever! Without my family i would be lost, alone, and would not be who i am today, so thank you so much all of you, you have no idea how much you mean to me. And Hunter thanks for listening to me cry for a half hour, it really helped and i feel so much better. You still owe me a turtle by the way but that can come later. Sorry so random and off topic, but to finish out, i would just like to thank everyone who supports me again. Well everyone i must head off to missoula now, its time to be a Griz again!

College

2009-08-30T08:36:00.011-06:00

So i am not going to write much, but i wanted to share my first day experience. When we got to Missoula, it took like 5 trips to the car and 5 people to haul all of my stuff up. My dad self lofted my bed, which is not supposed to happen. It tooks us like 3 hours to move everything in, and to our suprise we had to go buy some more stuff. The room turned out cute so i was super pumped, and the best part is is that its not even cluttered. My roomate is super cool and we hung out for a while, then me and the family went to the mall to shop of course, and got red robin yummy :]. I came back and we watched the Covenent, sexy guys! I got to go see the showers which are tiny, and then we went to sleep. While i was sleeping, a cork board fell on my head, and i am suprised i didnt fall off my three feet high bed ahhhh. I finally got to shower in the morning which was cool, it took about 15 minutes to heat up, so i took a cold shower! Cant wait for class to start, but i am nervous...wish me luck.

eyyy its the cousins!!!

2009-08-27T21:41:00.006-06:00

The Cousin is finally writing something. My name is Hunter Lott better known in Great Falls as Fred Fairhurst grandson. The only people who read this probably know that though. This blog is about Brooke leaving. I pretty much just moved back and now she is leaving. I'm going to be very sad. She is one of my favorite cousins to hang out with. I'm excited for her that she is able to be going off to collage but I will miss her alot. I think she should go to UGF so I can still have time to hang out with her more before I go on my mission. I won't see her alot once she is at collage because I only have year left. I hope she has a great time and makes alot of new and really good friends while at collage. She deserves some great friends. And of course she knows I'm always just a call away when she really needs someone to talk to. She is one of my best friends. And she wont know until she reads this cause I sent her to the other room while I did wrote but I'm really close to tears. I will miss her more than she knows. I will always be looking forward to holidays when she comes back to visit. And hopefully I will be able to go visit her sometime there. Give me a call anytime Cuz. Love ya.

Time for Change

2009-08-21T23:28:00.007-06:00

I am going to be honest...and say that i desperately (however you spell that) need to write down how i am feeling because its currently a mess! I usually have things well put together and figured out, and not much phases me, but lately things have been a huge disaster. I am leaving in like 7 days, i have no idea what to expect out of everything, i will be off on my own for the first time, and i will be with all new people. I am having a really hard time here this last week, i dont want to say goodbye to some, i am trying to learn to accept others, and i fear i dont have enough time to squeeze in everything that i need to do. I feel forgotten by many people, and i havent even left yet...i am still here!!! I guess i never really stopped to think that a lot of people who i thought were my friends, have no problem with the fact i am leaving, and have actually made a point to cut me out. On the positive side i have found the true people who care about me, because they are willing to give up some of their time to spend my last days with me. Its time for a fresh start, without all of this baggage, i need to break away from my past, and realize that people in your life come and go, and that is not something that i can control. I just need a lot of closure before i leave, i need to start being honest with people about how i feel, and not leave here without saying things that needed to be said. My life is going to start now, in a week, i will be a new person, with a fresh start, and a better outlook on everything, and i am truely grateful for this. To anyone who reads this: if i did something wrong to you i sincerely apologize. To those of you who i was friends with, thank you so much for being there for me, and thanks to those of you who helped me through my hard times and never left my side, to those of you who never liked me, all i can say is you didnt get to know me or never gave me a chance, and to those of you who i love, i will miss you the most, and i will always love you no matter what. Its the people who i love and love me back that make me smile during a hard day, give me the courage to be the best i can, and make me want to accomplish every dream i ever had! Goodbye Great Falls, goodbye old life, and HELLO to a much better happy life. Cheers to happiness, new beginnings, and working towards what i want in life. Goodbye everyone i wish you the best.

Fishing in the dark!

2009-08-18T10:44:00.007-06:00

So its been a while i know, but i had to tell this story! About a week ago, my cousin decided that he would take me fishing since no one else could go with him ha. I havent fished in forever...but when i used to go we would leave early in the morning, but this time we went really late! We finally got to Morony Dam at like 10 at night, and by that time is pitched black...so naturally i was kinda freaking out. We brought all of our stuff down the hill, and it took Hunter like twenty minutes to get the weights and bait on, and then he finally cast, and we waited for a few minutes. The pole started bobbing and he was reeling in what looked to be like a huge catch. When he got it to the shore it turned out to be like a pound of sea weed (we sure are winners). He let me cast a few times, and of course the first time the line just hit the water right in front of me, but then i got the hang of it and had some good casts but caught nothing. It was about time to leave because we could only fish for like an hour, so Hunter threw the final cast. While waiting i saw lights strobing in the distance, and of course got panicy, and Hunter said there were just bikers going up the trail, but they kept creeping closer, and come to find out they were light bugs. WOW. After that little incident, the pole started to bob, and for a long time Hunter tried to reel the catch in. It was fighting so hard that i had to come hold the pole while he reeled. Finally at shore we had a big, ugly, brown fish...which i decided was a Carp (fish expert...not). We were so proud, and put him in the cooler to show everyone. We were highly devasted when my dad said that was the smallest Carp ever, and lots of other people said we couldnt eat it, because it was a bottom feeder. Every person i show the picture to and say how proud i am, cracks up laughing and says its the crappiest fish ever. SO next time i will use the Carp for bait, and hopefuly catch something else! Enjoy your summer ;]

Hello Freedom!

2009-08-10T21:16:00.009-06:00

Now that my medical scares are over for a year hopefully, i can post things that are a lot happier :] The thing that has been really weighing on my mind lately is school...the whole summer i have been counting down until the day when i will pack my life into boxes, put them into the car, and then cram them into the smallest room ever. Yes i am going to college and i have no idea what to expect, but i guess that is the most exciting part. I am so happy that i get the chance to start clean, meet new people, follow the lifestyle that i like and am so blessed to have. I leave in 19 days...which blows my mind...i have been waiting for this day for years now, and its finally here...but will it be all happy feelings when i leave? NO. I never really stopped to think about all the people i would have to say goodbye to, the ones who impacted my life, the ones who made me smile every single day, the ones who helped me through my hard times that i never could have gotten through alone. I can honestly say that there are a lot of people that i will never want to see again...and i wont have to any more which is so bittersweet. I am so thankful to be able to start over, be a good example to those around me, stay true to what i believe, and i am so excited that thanks to my choices lately i will have a bright future! I could write forever but i just wanted to express my feelings about school...since i am an excited wreck! Well if anyone has any college advice, or feelings about it let me know!
Peace. Love. Happiness :]

The Final Result

2009-08-06T22:08:00.009-06:00

Today at one i went to the neurosurgeon to see what was up with this pesky tumor. All i learned was that it did grow, it did bleed into itself again, yet its not a big deal and we will wait another year until we get an MRI done again. The doctor said that the surgery that would have to be done has a high death rate, and isnt worth the risk, and that radiation treatment could cause me to have a stroke. I guess i will have to keep this thing in here for at least another year...which sucks because i am in a lot of pain. But all in all i learned a lot of important things today. Never take life for granted, this i already knew, but going to the doctor for something this serious reminded me of it. I also learned that things arent always what they seem, sometimes they are better and sometimes worse. We need to learn to be true to who we are, and not be fake in our actions and words. This is totally off topic but its how i am feeling. I am super glad that this whole tumor thing wont be a bother until a year from now, it really takes a lot of stress off at this time. Well to everyone who is reading this thanks for your concern...but if it touches you in any way please leave a comment so i know these things are worth while to post...otherwise i guess i will just use this for personal use. But for now this is my life written down, and the trials i am going through explained. Have a great night!

The MRI

2009-08-05T16:49:00.011-06:00

Soooo, yesterday i had to go get an MRI for my tumor so they could see whats going on. I already gave a brief description of what it is in the last entry but i will add some more detail here. So first of all most people have to sit in the tube for 45 minutes, but i have to be in there for an hour and a half, i cant move at all and i cant swallow either. There are really loud sounds like jackhammers and loud beeps, that make it so the pictures will develop, but they are really annoying. I also have to get injected with contrast dye, and i hate needles, but luckily the guy doing it did a super job. Afterwards my throat was so dry that i had to go get a grape smoothie from junga juice! I learned yesterday that my tumor is 8.3 mm and takes up a good cross portion of my spinal cord. I also learned that i will probably have to go out of state to get a second opinion, possibly have to have risky surgery, and that i am a medical failure! haa i found some humor in that. My tumor is very rare, due to the spot it resides, but they did figure out which kind it was, which is a relief. So far i dont think its cancer, i will for sure find out tomorrow, if it is i will be very scared (even though i already am). Well i will update tomorrow since i go to see the neurosurgen at one, wish me luck!

P.S. sorry about the crappy pictures they are from my cell phone :] but you get the gist!

First Blog: Crazyyyy Tumor

2009-08-02T22:35:00.010-06:00

So for my first blog ever i am going to write about the hardest part of my life which is having a tumor in my spinal cord towards my brain. You could say its a small one, but it hurts extremely bad, and could turn into cancer. Well i have an appointment tomorrow for my MRI, but i wont get any results until Thursday when i go to see the Neurosurgeon. At the MRI i sit in a tube for over an hour and cant move, and cant really swallow or breath deeply...and i stare at a picture of flowers on the ceiling...i know be jealous right. Oh i even forgot to mention that it gets better, when they shoot you up with die that makes you dizzy, ya simply amazing. Well even though i play it off as nothing i am very scared for these appointments, because they could change my life in so many ways. The best possible outcome is that the tumor shrunk or went away completely. The outcome that will most likely happen is that it stayed the same or bled into itself a little. If worse comes to worse it got bigger and i could have to get it removed which holds a high threat of paralysis. I am hoping for the best of course but am prepared for the worst...personally i hope that i get to have radiation treatment with the Cyber Knife so the tumor can get out of my neck! I am putting my faith in the blessings i have received and knowing that whatever happens i will be able to over come and recieve strength. I know that in the end whatever is meant to be will...lets just hope its happy! well i am off to bed, after i watch a stupid comedy movie with my cousin and we laugh at the dumbest stuff! have a great night every one ;]